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I am not in a good mood today.

My mum is sick and yet she doesnt want to see a doctor.
She said she would be going for her check-up at the polyclinic tmr and would at the same time see a doctor. She felt that it is a waste of money to see a doctor at the private clinic.
She has also been sneezing everyday ever since the construction opp my house started and she also refused to see a doctor saying that she had seen so many but none can cure her nose.
Why save this kind of money?

I dun want her to worry about money. No. I dun want everyone in my family to always worry about money. It feels like everything we do we would have to think about whether we have enough money to spend or not. I dun want to worry about this. I am not hoping that I would get a high paying job too. I just want to earn enough to support the family.

It seems like the responsibility of supporting the whole family is on me now. Nobody is putting a pressure on me to find a job asap but I am giving myself the pressure. We dun have much savings to survive with. My father is not working now. He said he wanted to rest for some time first before finding a job. It's been more than a mth since he resigned. But I am not seeing him putting an effort in finding a job. He kept telling pple that he is already 56 years old, who would want to hire him? But is he trying or did he ever try? I am not hoping that he would find a full time job. I hope that he can just find a part time job like working in a petrol station for a few hrs etc to occupy his time, learn new skills and not just wasting his time at home reading newspaper, sleeping, or worrying about our meals everyday. It feels good to have him cook for us everyday but I just feel that he can learn just new skills coz he is only 56 years old. Why must he always think that he is already old? Even a 60 plus 70 years old uncles go to a petrol station to work.

Nobody in the family including me want to bring this up to him. Once we try to talk to him like wat we did before he resigned, we would be quarreling. Life's peaceful everyday but that's just on the surface. Maybe he is putting all hopes on me. But my character is so like him. I dun dare to try. I just started trying but I already feel like giving up. That's why I feel i am so useless.

There is so many things running in my mind now.
I need to have a good talk with someone.
I need to do things to stop myself from thinking about so many things.
That's why I am returning to MOE to work temporarily.
To earn some money and to divert my thoughts somewhere else.

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huici
i love jarrol chen tan